Do you have an anxious pup who chews the furniture whenever you leave? A stressed-out kitty who hisses at thin air? A hamster with existential dread? Or maybe a parrot who won’t stop screaming about the void? Well, fret no more! We’re thrilled to announce PrestoPets, the FIRST-EVER medical marijuana card service for pets!
That’s right—your beloved furry (or scaly, or feathery) companions can now access the pawsitive benefits of medicinal cannabis. Whether it’s separation anxiety, joint pain, or just the struggle of being an overworked emotional support animal, PrestoPets is here to help.
How It Works 🐾
- Quick & Easy Telehealth Visit – Your pet meets with a compassionate, board-certified veterinary cannabis consultant via video chat. Don’t worry if your dog just stares at the screen or if your cat walks away mid-call—our experts can sense their vibes.
- Instant Approval – If your pet qualifies (spoiler: they do), they’ll receive their very own Pet MMJ Card in minutes!
- Shop Like a Good Boy (or Girl) – Once approved, you’ll gain access to dispensaries with pet-friendly cannabis treats, CBD-infused chew toys, and an exclusive Bark & Blaze subscription box.
Why PrestoPets?
No More Ruff Days – Calm anxiety, ease pain, and help your pet chillax like never before.
Holistic & Natural – Because your pet deserves the finest organic, small-batch, locally grown treats.
Eviction Protection for Emotional Support Tarantulas – Finally, legal security for all support animals, no matter how many legs they have.
Purr-fectly Legal – We’re working on legislation to make this official (but, like, don’t fact-check us on that just yet).
Perfect for Pets Who Judge You When You Smoke Alone – Now, you won’t have to suffer the side-eye from your own dog.
Success Stories 🐾💨
- Benny the Bulldog 🐶 – Used to bark at the mailman. Now? He and the mailman just vibe. Sometimes they even share snacks.
- Mittens the Cat 🐱 – Formerly a menace to houseplants. Post-PrestoPets? She just stares at them. Peacefully. For hours.
- Chonkers the Guinea Pig 🐹 – Once plagued by snack-induced paranoia. Now? Mellow munchies only.
- Sir Squawksalot the Parrot 🦜 – Used to scream “TAXES ARE A SCAM!” at 3 AM. Now? Whispers Bob Marley lyrics instead.
But Wait, There’s More!
Not only do we offer medical marijuana cards for pets, but we’re also launching Weed for Workhorses, a special line of stress relief for farm animals who are just over it. And for your underwater companions? Stay tuned for our upcoming CBD for Goldfish, because yes, they do remember things—especially that one time you forgot to feed them.
So, don’t let your pet suffer another day! Sign them up for PrestoPets and give them the high quality life they deserve. 🐾
. . . . .
APRIL FOOLS! 😂
Sorry, folks—PrestoPets isn’t real (yet). But hey, wouldn’t it be hilarious if it were?
While you can’t get your pet a cannabis card, you can explore legal CBD options that are totally pet-safe. And if this gave you a good laugh, be sure to share it with your fellow pet-loving friends! 🐕🐈💨
Happy April Fools’ Day from all of us at PrestoDoctor!
